I like the Roman colosseum setup for the PPV. And luckily the commentary team aren’t wearing togas.WWE Cruiserweight Title - Six-Way Texas Tornado Match:
Kid Kash VS Funaki VS Jamie Noble VS Little Guido VS Paul London VS Gregory Helms
This is an open invitation match where former champions can take part, hence the reason for Helms’ participation. The first person to pick up a pinfall or submission wins the match and the title.
Sweet spot by London where he hits a dropkick on Helms and flips out of it into a standing moonsault on Noble!
Crap! When things are picking up, they lose the PPV feed!
The signal comes back just in time to catch Paul London do an insane shooting star press out of the ring, just barely hitting his target and crashing hard on the mat! Helms brings London back into the ring with a huge swinging neckbreaker off the top!
Kash hits a SICK Dead Level Brainbuster on London but the cover is broken up by everyone else.
Noble carries Funaki out of the corner in a fireman’s carry and drops him in a double knee gutbuster, followed by a Dragon Clutch! Helms takes out Noble and hits a Shining Wizard on Funaki and pins him to win the title! A RAW competitor is the Cruiserweight champion!Match Rating: ***
(Despite losing the signal a bit)
Vince McMahon in his office with Torrie, Candace & Victoria with the tumbler to draw entry numbers for the Rumble. Randy Orton is the first to draw, and is less than impressed by his number. Triple H enters and bad mouths Orton before drawing his number, we don’t see it, but it turns out to be worse than Orton’s and Orton talks some smack on H before leaving. H ain’t happy.
Backstage Mickie James confesses her love for Trish Stratus. Aww. Trish shrugs it off.Mickie James VS Ashley – Special Referee Trish Stratus
Mickie puts on MMA gloves as the match starts. Interesting.
The match started off good enough, but they kept up a really slow pace to try and hide Ashley’s weaknesses in the ring. Things get really bad at the end however when the crowd starts booing cause Ashley isn’t doing anything other than punching. Mickie hits a powerbomb out of the corner and Trish reluctantly counts 3.
After seeing Ashley on RAW this past week, I expected more from these two, but they protected the match too much which backfired as the fans turned on them at the end.Match Rating: *
Backstage again and the Three Skankateers are showing off their tattoos to Vince when Big Show comes in to draw his number. He jokes about wanting to show Vince his tattoos. He picks his number and is satisfied.
Rey Mysterio comes in and Big Show wished him luck since he’s dedicating the match to the memory of Eddie Guerrero. So Rey forgot about Big Show wanting to beat the crap out of him not long after Eddie passed? Eddie draws his number and laughs up to the heavens as he says Eddie got him.John “Branshaw” Leyfield with Jillian Hall VS The Boogeyman
JBL is afraid to get in the ring cause there’s ONE WORM on the mat. Sheesh.
Big waste of time start to the match as JBL shoves Jillian into Boogey, and takes forever to get back in the ring to attack him while his back was turned. There are squished worms all over the ring mat.
JBL beats down Boogey, who seems to no sell it. JBL misses the Clothesline from Hell and rams his shoulder right into the corner, leading to Boogey hitting the pump-handle slam for the quick win!
They protected Boogeyman way more than Ashley! Would have been better to put both these guys in the Rumble as they could have done the exact same thing there.Match Rating: DUD
Backstage again and Momma Benjamin gooses Vince before Shelton draws his number, and is happy with his number, promising Vince he’ll throw out HBK.
Melina comes in followed by Mercury & Nitro who draw their numbers and are satisfied with what they got. Melina offers Vince MNM’s services to throw out HBK from the Rumble as well.
The Royal Rumble Match is next! There goes my prediction of John Cena winning it.
Lillian Garcia is about the announce the rules for the Rumble when she’s interrupted by the Spirit Squad, who come out and do a cheer for the Rumble, like their actually in it or something. They come, they go, and I feel like throwing up.30-Man Royal Rumble Match
No. 1 – TRIPLE H!!!
No. 2 – REY MYSTERIO!!!
Triple H does his usual long intro, and Rey comes out driving a low-rider in tribute to Eddie Guerrero, wearing an Eddie t-shirt as well.
Match starts and Rey takes it to the Game, attacking his leg. Rey hits a springboard dropkick and misses the 619 as entry no.3 comes out.
No. 3 – Simon Dean
Dean beats down Rey as H watches and throws out Rey who hangs on to the ropes. Dean looks for a high five from H, but gets decked by H, followed by a guillotine from Rey. H & Rey toss out Dean and go back at it. Rey hits the bronco-buster on H as the next man comes out.
No. 4 – Psicosis
Psicosis goes straight for Rey and hits a great modified slam and tries to toss Rey out with a splash mountain bomb, but Rey counters into a hurrican-rana, flipping Psicosis out of the ring! H takes down Rey as entrant no.5 comes out.
No. 5 – Ric Flair
The last time Flair came out at no.5, didn’t he win the damn thing? Flair goes straight to work on H with big punches and a backdrop. H hits a knee smash, but Flair grabs the testicular claw! Flair hits a thumb to the eye, and rushes into H only to get backdropped out of the ring and eliminated! H is sprawled on the mat as the next man comes out.
No. 6 – The Big Show
Show immediately goes to work on H, not forgetting their past. Show hits a sidewalk slam followed by 2 elbow drops as the next man is out.
No. 7 – Jonathan Coachman
Coach actually has the balls to go after Show! Show looks at him, palms his face and just shoves him over the top rope! H tries to attack show, but gets dropped in a big military press slam! Why didn’t he just throw him out?
No. 8 – Lashley
This should be interesting! Lashley goes at it with show and actually backdrops the big man before kicking him out under the bottom rope! Lashley goes to work on H & Rey as the next man comes out.
No. 9 – Kane
The big men immediately go at it and Kane takes down Lashley with a big boot, but Lashley recovers and flips Kane with a belly-to-belly, followed by a gorilla press on HHH, and powers Kane up in a Dominator! Lashley stands dominant as the next man comes out.
No. 10 – Sylvan
Sylan tries to attack Lashley from behind, but Lashley just tosses him out like a sack of potatoes! Lashley turns around and is met by a double chokeslam from Kane & Big Show before being tossed out! Showing that it’s every man for himself, the world tag team champions go at it, and look to try and eliminate each other, but leave themselves open to be eliminated by HHH who uses their weight agains them to flips them both over the top at the same time!
No. 11 – Carlito
Carlito goes to work on Rey and catches him in mid-air with a sick double knee backbreaker. H catches Carlito with a thumb to the eye, but Carlito comes back with an uppercut.
No. 12 – Chris Benoit
Benoit goes to work leveling everyone with chops and German suplexes! Carlito flips out of a German, but gets locked in the Crossface! H takes advantage and attacks Benoit, launching him hard into the corner turnbuckle. H suplexes Benoit over the top rope, but Benoit lands on the apron, they try to suplex each other out, but H lifts Benoit up the top rope. Benoit knocks H off the corner and hits the diving headbutt!
No. 13 – Booker T
Booker goes straight to work on Benoit, but quickly gets tossed over the top! The crowd boos this, but I’m guessing Booker isn’t completely heeled up from his injuries yet. Crowd chants the “Goodbye” song to Booker as the action continues in the ring.
No. 14 – Joey Mercury
Mercury goes to work on Carlito, and gives H a big right hand. Benoit gives Mercury a German suplex, but Mercury is able to block a second one and take down Benoit. Things are slowing down now.
No. 15 – TATANKA!
He comes out to ZERO crowd reaction, but thank God he lost the beer gut! The crowd gives him the chop cheer as he goes to work in the ring, looking pretty good. The crowd seriously has no idea who he is I guess. All 6 men pair up and try to toss each other out.
No. 16 – Johnny Nitro
Nitro rushes in to help Mercury, but is met by a barrage of chops from Tatanka. Benoit almost eliminates H, but he was able to hang on. Carlito almost eliminates Rey twice as Tatanka continues to dominate MNM.
No. 17 – Trevor Murdoch
Murdoch goes after Tatanka, and Rey almost gets eliminated by the Game. MNM try to eliminate Benoit as Murdoch & Carlito try to put out Tatanka. Mysterio battles back and hits a big sliding dropkick on H.
No. 18 – Eugene
The crowd isn’t exactly thrilled by the return of Eugene, who immediately Hulks-up when Murdoch goes after him. He gives Murdoch and airplane spin, but while him and Murdoch are both woozy, Rey gives them a double bulldog!
No. 19 – Road Warrior Animal
MNM go after Animal, but get taken down by a big double clothesline. HHH runs into a big powerslam by Animal. Eugene almost eliminates Murdoch. Mysterio struggles to avoid elimination by MNM as the next man comes out.
No. 20 – ROB VAN DAM!
Now this was a heavily accepted return and RVD goes straight to work launching kicks at everyone. RVD stops for a second to do his RVD pose, and Animal tries to attack him but gets himself eliminated as RVD ducks and backdrops him out.
No. 21 – Orlando Jordan
RVD hits a big diving kick on Carlito and almost tosses him out. The ring is filling up now.
No. 22 – Chavo Guerrero
Chavo goes after everyone who gets in his way as the crowd chant Eddie for him. Chavo hits the Three Amogos on Mercury, and goes up for the Frog Splash, but HHH takes advantage to shove him off the top and eliminate him!
No. 23 – Matt Hardy
Hardy goes straight to work taking down MNM and hitting the Twist of Fate on Orlando. Tatanka comes off the top with a chop, but misses, and MNM hits him with the Snap Shot before tossing him out.
No. 24 – Super Crazy
Crazy comes in and hits a big diving cross body off the top on both members of MNM. Nitro almost eliminates Carlito, dropping him on the apron before going to help his partner. Carlito is able to hold on as Rey hits him with a dropkick as well.
No. 25 – Shawn Michaels
HBK botches his corner flip, and crawls under the ropes to the apron. He ducks as Murdoch charges at him and Murdoch is eliminated. Carlito tries to toss out HBK, but he hangs on to the ropes for dear life.
No. 26 – Chris Masters
Did someone speed up the clock? Cause the entrants are coming really quickly now. H tries to eliminate Hardy, who hangs on and Hardy almost eliminates H twice. HBK almost eliminates Mercury, but Nitro pulls him back in.
No. 27 – Viscera
The World’s Largest Love Machine squashes Matt Hardy with a Samoan Drop before giving him the big dry hump! Viscera charges into Matt in the corner, but Hardy gets the boots up. He tries for the Twist of Fate, but Vis picks him off his feet and tosses him out! Matt Hardy might not die, but he’ll never main event either.
No. 28 – Shelton Benjamin
Benoit eliminates Eugene, and nobody cares. Benjamin hits the Dragon Whip on H as the next man comes out.
No. 29 – GOLDUST!
Goldie goes to work on MNM, I thought these Hollywood guys would get along?
No. 30 – Randy Orton
Orton goes right after Benoit, and is able to counter and lift Benoit out of the Crossface attempt and toss him out of the ring to eliminate him! Orton hits the RKO on Viscera! Masters & Carlito work together to eliminate Viscera, and as Masters poses, Carlito eliminates him! Goldust goes after Carlito, and hits him with low with Shattered Dreams before getting knocked over the top by RVD! Orton eliminates Orlando!
Carlito & Benjamin are hanging on to the ropes for dear life as they try to eliminate each other. HBK takes down HHH with a flying forearm. MNM take down HBK and try for the Snap Shot, but HBK escapes and tosses Mercury over the rope, but he hangs on. Nitro charges at HBK, but he dodges and Nitro knocks Mercury off the apron to eliminate him! HBK immediately follows with a clothesline to eliminate Nitro! HBK turns around and eats a big kick from Shelton Benjamin! HBK recovers and tosses Benjamin over the ropes, but he holds on till HBK hits Sweet Chin Music to eliminate him!
Vince McMahon than comes out and distracts HBK, as SHANE MCMAHON enters the ring and eliminates HBK! HBK goes after Shane, but HHH cuts him off and tries for the Pedigree. HBK flips H over and hits him with a super kick before going back after Shane. In a move that just defies any logic, HBK actually listens to Vince and leaves him alone, opting to go after Shane since it was Shane that eliminated him.
The Final Four are RVD, HHH, Rey Mysterio & Randy Orton! RVD & Rey work together taking down both Orton & H with double team moves. RVD goes up for the Five Star, but gets crotched by H. Rey runs at H, but H launches him into RVD in the corner, eliminating him!
H & Orton double team Mysterio, who battles back with a double DDT and hits a double 619 on both H & Orton! Orton comes back and takes down Rey. Orton tries for the RKO on H, but H counters with a spinebuster! H goes after Rey, but Mysterio is able to eliminate him! H is pissed and drags Mysterio out of the ring and slams him into the steel steps!
Orton is all confident now as the crowd chants “Eddie”. Orton picks up Mysterio tries to slam him over the ropes, but Mysterio flips into a hurricane-rana, and ELIMINATES ORTON TO WIN THE RUMBLE!!! REY MYSTERIO IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!!
I didn’t like the beginning of the Rumble when guys were eliminated to easily, but it picked up toward the end and the final outcome was really surprising!Match Rating: ****
Trish Stratus is at the WWE Instant Access booth when Mickie comes in and thanks her. Trish said she just did the right thing, and Mickie says of course since Trish loves her too! Mickie bounces off happily as Trish chases after her.
Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko & Chavo Guerrero congratulate Rey Mysterio backstage till Edge steps in and tells Rey not to try and jump over to RAW and challenge him for the WWE Title and walks off. Benoit tells Rey to forget about Edge as this is his night.WWE Championship: John Cena VS Edge with Lita
A big rampway lowers down from the ceiling. Are we going to have a scaffold match? Nope. It’s just a prop for John Cena’s entrance. So after he loses his title he gets a custom intro?
Cena can thank his lucky stars that he was heeled as much as he usually by the crowd, or he at least had more supporters than haters in the house tonight. Edge took control after giving Edge a spear into the steps. Edge dominated most of the match from here, varying his offense. Cena mounts the come back and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Lita interrupts distracts the referee. Cena grabs Lita, and dodges as Edge runs in and knocks Lita off the apron. Cena hits the FU, and locks on the STFU for the submission win! Cena wins back the title, and the first thing you see when the camera pans to the crowd is several guys in the front row shaking their heads.
They tied to keep things interesting, but the match was rather boring up till the end.Match Rating: **
Todd Grisham tries to interview Edge as he reaches the back, asking him about being a ‘transitional champion” but Edge is pissed and stomps off. Lita screams at Grisham as she notices and asked what the heck HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN is doing there?!? Hacksaw says Cena invited him just to tell Lita one thing: HOOO!!!
Yup, Edge is officially a joke champion.
They show footage of Mark Henry powering out of Angle’s ankle-lock. Josh Matthews interviews Angle asking him about that. Angle says he can beat people in ways that haven’t even been invented yet. And says Mark Henry sucks.World Heavyweight Championship: Mark Henry with Daivari VS Kurt Angle
So the “You Suck” chants are now directed at whoever Angle is facing as he enters? Whatever it takes to turn a negative into a positive I guess. This one is definitely going to be short.
Slow chugging match as Henry over powers Angle. Angle uses a judo-flip to escape a bear hug. Angle gets caught off the second rope trying a crossbody, but turns it into a ankle-lock! Henry gets to the ropes to break the hold. Henry escapes an Angle-slam attempt, but Angle hits a big German suplex followed by the Angle-slam for a near fall. Angle goes for the ankle-lock again and Daivari distracts the referee. The referee gets bumped when Henry powers out of the ankle-lock and Angle runs into the ref.
Angle goes to grab a steel chair and Daivari tries to stop him, but eats a face full of chair. Angle blasts Henry in the head twice with the chair and covers him but only gets 2. Angle unpads the second turnbuckle pad and Henry tries to whip him into it, but Angle reverses it and Henry smacks his head on it. Angle rolls him up for the win.Match Rating: *1/2
Angle is about to celebrate when THE UNDERTAKER comes out riding a chariot! ‘Taker marches to the ring and stares down Angle, gesturing he wants the title. ‘Taker than causes the ring to collapse by shooting lightning from the sky (done with some very bad special effects!). ‘Taker walks off as a shocked Kurt Angle is left in the ring to end the PPV.Overall:
Quite a few surprises on this PPV. It was a strong show, but I did scratch my head at a few things, like why HBK would not want to go after Vince when it was pretty obvious it was all Vince that set him up. Strong show overall and well worth checking out.